As of Late (pg.33)

A Lot has Transpired since my Fast and the Last Time I posted.

Newer and Better levels of Excellence are being Achieved almost Daily.

I have been Learning and Growing at an Unprecedented Rate.

I have been rubbing elbows with a Multitude of Different People.

I have heard many Wails and have seen many Tears.

I have been reminded more and more as of late that when it gets down to it, a person has to Save Themselves.

Which becomes That much more Difficult when it has to do with a person saving Themselves from Themselves.

When people give up hope.

It is that much more important that you maintain and protect yours.

In that way, you keep Possibility for Change Alive.

There are Lessons that people Will Not Learn until they have either Backed Themselves into a Corner and/or have Exhausted Their Pride.

Until then, True Excellence is Minimal and Mistakes are High.

Another Taste (pg.32)

Do the gods deceive me?

If I am awake, may my eyes never close. 

If I am dreaming, may my eyes never open.

Should this moment ever end.

It would mean a lifetime spent searching to have another taste.

Words come pouring out of your lips from a fountain of eternal depth.

Which caresses my imagination as your spells paint me another picture.

My tears born of breathlessness become the sauce. 

With your mind and heart as the main course.

(pg.31 1/2)

What am I to say? What am I to do?

I will say nothing, nor do anything.

Instead, I will show you something outside of those patterns that you are so used to seeing. 

I may not have created the game, nor written the rules. 

But I will show you how will power can recreate and rewrite things.

There is no such thing as tough. 

There is trained and untrained.

Maybe someday you will understand.

Then again, you may never.

Just know this:

The key to true peace and happiness.

Is to treat others better than you treat yourself, and better than they treat you.

The key to true success and excellence.

Is to treat perceived limitations real or imagined as channels rather than boundaries. 

This ensures maximal benefit in exchange for minimal cost.

Organized Sound vol.4 (pg.31)

Videos may not appear on mobile device.

"Dissolved Girl" Massive Attack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lcZ0redg1s


"Don't Know Why" Norah Jones
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05bHCdz6z2M


"Beija Flor" Shpongle
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwdkexdiHh8

Organized Sound vol.3 (pg.30)

Videos may not appear on mobile devices.

"6 Underground" Sneaker Pimps
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2eBZqmL8ehg


"Da Mystery of Chessboxin" Wu-Tang Clan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJk0p-98Xzc


"Valerie" Amy Winehouse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_naArkkHMMs
 

Organized Sound vol.2 (pg.29)

Videos may not appear on mobile devices.

"Glory Box" Portishead
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yF-GvT8Clnk

                                       
"Feather" Nujabes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P0ul5Sl02nw

"Dream a Little Dream of Me" Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jC4cXzvXSq4

Organized Sound vol.1 (pg.28)

Videos may not appear on mobile devices.

                                                                                 

"When My Eyes" Amy Winehouse
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96VqDKvv70Y
  

"Aruarian Dance" Nujabes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9hwjQBQFIo
 

"Police and Thieves" Junior Murvin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8nz_uSssKTw

Floetry Corner vol.1 (pg.27)

Out from the gut came a flow so exquisite

Beautiful the dye thus the color of the pigment

Out came a cat with some grace just a snippet

Words came together into that which was vivid

So many layers with each gear that he shifted

With each word a door and your brain as a pivot

The world that you knew slowly leaned as it tilted

Proved that your life was not quite as rigid

Confident poise proved to be self sufficient

Teach others peace was the one and only mission

My 3rd Eye sees with clear 20/20 vision

Each phrase at the end a period for fruition

Though they have ears with their minds they should listen

With gold that I offer to their self nihilism

The self in my truth which is smooth disposition

Such skills born from my own premonition

The choice therefore yours which is thus your decision

I can see all the rust in your smile mechanism 

That which I speak is beyond recognition

See how you are with your bitter proposition

The joy that you feel is just a mere superstition

With your fake roar and your ill mannerism

I can tell that you like to spread fake optimism

Yourself that you doubt and your strict fatalism

Water Fast (pg.26)

Disclaimer: Viewer Discretion is Advised.
Video may not appear on mobile devices.

"Witness to Starving Children" CNN
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVgW0k_Wjek

If you would like to monitor my progress. I will be updating this page multiple times throughout the upcoming week. 

It has been over two years since I last water fasted as long as this. Two years ago I underwent an 8 day water fast for the same reasons I am choosing to fast again. Let us see what I have really learned in the last 2 years.




6/19/13 
9:29 am 157.7 lb

It is 9:29 am, my last meal was between 11:00 pm to 11:30 pm the previous night 6/18/13. I intend to undergo a water fast for the next 7 days. Since it takes approximately 12 hours for the human body to start truly fasting after the last bite. I will consider my fast to officially begin at 11:30 am this morning. Which would mean that my water fast would officially conclude at 6/26/13 11:30 am. The only thing that I will be consuming for the next 7 days is nothing but water (As in no other liquids of any kind. Including but not limited to: flavored water, juice, soda, etc). The objectives are four things:

1) By consuming nothing but water for the next 7 days, I intend to enhance my discipline over my body and mind. If one can control something as instinctive as the desire to eat. One will have an increased ability to use ones body and mind for the Service and Leadership of others.

2) By consuming nothing but water for the next 7 days, I intend to lead by example. To teach others that both joy and despair should be consumed in moderation. Lest you find yourself lost amidst polar extremes. What does that have to do with water fasting? People often over indulge in everything both positive and negative. This is anything but balanced. If a string is too tight, it will snap. If a string is too loose, it will not play. To find harmony between too tight and too loose can be considered balance, and/or being in the zone.

3) By consuming nothing but water for the next 7 days, I intend to remind others of those who are in far greater need than themselves. People often take their lives for granted, cursing their circumstances. Yet they forget that they have unspoiled food to eat, clean water to drink, and adequate health care. As I write this, numerous people are starving to death, and dying of diseases that most 1st world country civilians will almost never have to worry about.

I'm not asking people to suddenly become diplomats and the like. I just want people to at least be aware and mindful that we are all in fact human. Though the ones suffering and starving the world over are not our nuclear family, or our really close friends for that matter. They are still a part of our human family. By keeping them in mind, we keep the desire for the well being of humanity as a whole alive in us. With that, we stand to live better lives with/for ourselves and with/for each other. 

4) By consuming nothing but water for the next 7 days, I intent to remind people to stop taking things for granted. But instead be grateful.


As things stand right now, out of a scale of 0-100. 0 being not hungry at all, and 100 being quite hungry indeed (at least relative to me). I would say that I am currently at a solid 25-30%.

Once a day I will keep a log of my weight in pounds to help triangulate the effects that this water fast will have on my body. I will see you on the other side of this.

10:14 am

As a quick elaboration. It takes the body approximately 12 hours before it consumes the glycogen reserves in the liver. From that point on the body begins to fast. Which means that although my last meal was 11:30 pm last night, I consider myself officially fasting 12 hours after which will be 11:30 am.

11:39 am

It is now 11:39 am. Which means that my fast officially began 9 minutes ago. As of right now I am at a solid 35%. I do not fear what will happen. For I know that 7 days without eating is not a big deal. There are those who go for a month plus without eating a single molecule of food and who have very little water to drink, filthy water at that. Who am I to complain of a little hunger and discomfort? When there are those who are starving and are experiencing extreme agony.

4:10 pm

So far so good. Interestingly enough, I took a nap and had a dream that I was experiencing painful hunger. So it appears that even my subconscious is investing its efforts in my cause.




6/20/13
12:45 am

So far it has been 13 hours and 15 minutes since I officially declared the beginning of my fast at 11:30 am 6/19/13. Although it has only been a short time into the fast. I am considerably more hungry than about 12 hours ago. I would say that I am at a solid 60% hungry. So much beautiful food is around me, not to mention I am quite the culinary wiz. But I know for a fact that this fast is so much bigger than me. It is for the benefit of all. With that being said, I stay strong and push through. Besides, if I cannot do something as simple as a 7 day water fast. What kind of associate would I be?

2:50 pm 154.0 lb

Waking up this morning was not as difficult as I had originally anticipated. Surprisingly, my hunger has decreased considerably. From a 60% I have gone down to about 40%. Time is moving quite slow. I will play a game where I will look at the clock every now and again to see how much time has elapsed. For example, if I look at the clock and it registers "1:30 pm." It feels like 10 minutes has passed, yet when I look at the clock again it says "1:33 pm." Time dilation is a definite variable to consider if one decides to undergo a water fast. At 3:30 pm it will be 40 hours since my last bite, and 28 hours since I officially declared the beginning.

5:16 pm

That last 2 and a 1/2 hours felt more like 4.

6:14 pm

So people have been asking me why I am doing this. As the days continue I will further elaborate on the reasons why. But for now:

1) I am trying to promote the virtue of gratefulness.

and

2) I take what I do and what I say very seriously. So much so that I am willing to literally be hungry for it. Passion is nothing without Conviction, and Conviction cannot exist without Sincere Hunger. In Thoughts, In Words, and in Actions.

http://0heavyfeather0.blogspot.com/2013/06/the-importance-of-hunger-pg14.html

11:53 pm

It's been 48 hours since my last bite, and 36 hours since I officially declared the beginning of my water fast. Before I started fasting I have always been curious about what people eat anyway. Since I started this fact, now I am even more curious. It has been even more interesting to hear people describe what they had for their last meal. I would say that I am at 50% hunger. I noticed that I tend to get hungrier at night. I wonder if there is a pattern here. The upcoming days will determine that. In either case, every single time I think of giving up and getting something to eat. I think of those who suffer the world over, who are starving to death and fatally sick on top of that. I think of all of you, and how I want to help you all live your lives more richly  with gratefulness as a catalyst to new beginnings.




6/21/13
1:10 am

Intense.

4:05 pm 150.4lb

I am experiencing considerably less hunger. I would say that I am less hungrier now than the first 24 hours of my water fast. Very interesting, I would say that I am at 20% hunger.

I don't quite know how to describe it. But for all intents and purposes I feel, sharp. I have been playing brain games like "flow" to see what effects this fast has on my mental acuity. Surprisingly enough, I am able to solve the puzzles of flow and other brain games on average 5-10 seconds quicker than normal. I decided to test my verbal and speech acuity as well. Reciting Shakespeare, other MC's lyrics, my lyrics, etc. Has proven to become considerably more smooth. By about 15-20%.

At 4:30 pm it will be 65 hours since my last bite, and 53 hours since I officially declared the beginning of my water fast.

5:35 pm

It has been 66 hours since my last bite. Let me make something very clear right now.

Imagine you were to go a week of not eating, consuming only water. Let alone a month or more like many people the world over have to, who are dying and suffering due to deadly diseases and viruses on top of that.

If I give you the choice of either continuing your grudge with someone and/or some people, and/or your complaint with something(s). Or, the option to eat. What would you choose?

To take it a step further, what if that person and/or those people you had a grudge with was hungry and/or starving to death alongside you. And you had the power to choose whether or not they would eat as well. What would you do?

If you can bring yourself to allow them to eat. Perhaps whatever grudge you have is not as big as you once thought. If you choose food over grudges and complaints. Perhaps they are not as significant as you once believed.

Please stop taking your lives for granted, why waste anymore time in bitterness and negativity? Please stop taking each other for granted. Please stop taking things for granted. Please get over your bitterness and forgive.

Your lack of forgiveness imprisons you.

http://0heavyfeather0.blogspot.com/2013/06/will-you-forgive-that-person-will-you.html




6/22/13
4:37 am

I went to sleep around 9 pm the previous night. Due to hunger I woke up around 2 am. As I write this, I am feeling a little depressed. My positive outlook on things is still very much intact. The only difference is that there is a considerable touch of melancholy and malaise. I am thinking about all kinds of different things. Bitterness I still haven't purified. People I regret doing wrong. People who did me wrong. People I miss being with and around. People I wish were still alive so I could tell them what was really on my mind. Things I wish I could have said and done differently. Things I should, could, and would have done, but for whatever reasons did not.

It really makes one think of the power food has over a person. If people on some conscious and/or subconscious level are eating their sadness, problems, and depression away. To whatever little or big extent. It really makes one think how much people are not aware of, and how far people try to run away from how things really are. I am willing to bet that for most people, food is one of the most effective quickest short cut temporary fixes for their problems. It is undeniable how food, especially delicious food, makes one feel good.

The hunger combined with the depression was almost too much for me to bare. I almost gave up around 3:30 am. I went upstairs to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. I stood there for a full 5 minutes just looking at everything. I then closed the door and went back downstairs.


Many people will read this page and /or hear about my cause, and will more than likely not care about what I am fighting for. Many people will more than likely say "What matters is myself and my family. Why should I care about other people in the world who I do not even know about? How will his fasting improve their conditions anyways?"

The thing to keep in focus is mindfulness. Simply being aware and keeping in mind the struggles of other people the world over will help us all lead better lives. For our sake and for the sake of others.

7:51 pm

Just came back from Canada. So many fantastic restaurants and culinary delights. Twas quite tortuous.



6/23/13
11:10 am 148.0lb

I am so happy that I did not break the other day. There was so many opportunities for me to eat something. However, keeping other people aside from myself in mind. I persevered and refused to eat.

All of that mental and verbal acuity stuff? Forget about it. In an odd way through desperation, my mental and verbal acuity has enhanced. But if you were to ask if I was able to pop it off from the normally relaxed stance I carry? Not really. At least not as easily. I would say that my mental acuity has decreased by about 10-15%  overall and my verbal acuity has decreased by about 5-10% overall. Feeling dumb on top of hungry is not fun.

At 11:30 am it will mark 108 hours since I have had anything to eat. And 96 hours since I officially declared the beginning of my fast. 72 more hours left.




6/24/13
7:15 pm 147.0 lb

There is something interesting that occurs when one is made desperate. No. I am not saying that I am starving to death and that my life is in danger or anything like that. I am saying that relative to having eaten basically everyday of my life since I was born. To a point where I am going a week without eating. Has a tendency to make a person a little desperate.

Desperation is an interesting thing indeed. Have you ever heard of the saying that people tend to learn the hard way? That is basically another form of desperation. You put yourself in a difficult circumstance, and you do what you can to get yourself out of it. You become more aware. Naturally so. Due to an increase in awareness, you are in an enhanced condition to solve your problems. To see things more clearly.

This helps to further elaborate on what I was saying about feeling depressed. It is easy to not see how things really are when you are full and comfortable. But take that away? It becomes difficult to not see how things really are indeed. As a further clarification. Think about food as a form of drugs. 


Oh indeed, I am quite hungry and quite tired, that is very real. But there is something to be found in desperation. It is called focus and perspective. If I already know that I am hungry and tired. Why does it still need to be a problem? Why not just accept that perspective, and focus? People will more than likely say "but when someone is hungry and tired, how can they focus?" That is just it though, I understand there are definitely certain situations where someone is truly exhausted and/or racked with pain or something of the like to the point where they really can't focus. But in most circumstances. People just have a wrong and unstable perspective. Without a correct and stable perspective. It is easy to lose focus. When one loses focus. Any number of things start to deteriorate. My ability to think better and speak better has a lot to do with my mind actively and consciously seeking a way to improve, everything.

As a quick elaboration. As far as the whole mental and verbal acuity thing is concerned. I noticed that my sharpness of thought and performance is actually enhanced. I know that I stated that due to the fast they have decreased. What I researched in regards to what is occurring is that as my body adjusts to not eating. The dullness comes in phases. But by and large I have enhanced my abilities considerably. I have proven it without a doubt the previous night as I was reciting poetry and flows in a manner that I have never accomplished before. I am reading more quickly and precisely than I ever have. I have been speaking more accurately than I ever have. I have been thinking more clearly than I ever have. What does reading and poetry have to do with mental and verbal acuity? Simple. Speed and precision is a very good gauge of skill in regards to anything mental or physical.

Despite changes that my body is undergoing. Perspective and focus proves to be exceedingly powerful in overcoming and overriding discomfort and/or perceived lacking.




6/26/13 145.6 lb
7:17 am

One of the primary reasons why I started this fast. Was so that I could remind myself and others about gratitude. I had some epiphanies during this fast. One of them is that Gratitude cannot even begin to exist without sensitivity and humility existing as one. In the absence of sensitivity and humility. The likelihood of focusing on the wrong things and having an incorrect and illogical perspective. Become considerably much higher. Likewise, without gratitude change is not possible.

Without sensitivity. There would be no true communication and true interaction. Beyond strategies, beyond plans, and beyond goals. Whatever objective achieved would fall on the deafest of ears, if sensitivity were not to be present.

Sensitivity can only go so far without humility. If sensitivity is required to communicate and interact as truly as possible. Humility is an essential element to ensure that one can receive feedback in as true a manner as possible.

How can one even begin to consider the infinite blessings that are currently in one's internal and external universe. If one cannot even be sensitive enough to favorable and unfavorable thoughts and experiences alike? Sensitivity allows a person to explore the vast world in and around them with the most gentle of touches. Making sensitive listening possible. For sensitivity to be as effective as possible, it must go both ways. It is not enough to only be sensitive to positive and favorable situations. But to be sensitive in regards to negative and unfavorable situations as well. The capacity for joy is not possible without an equal capacity for sorrow. 

How can one even begin to understand the vastness of their internal and external universe. If one were not humble enough to be open to themselves and the world around them? In the absence of humility. One will not be able to be as open as possible. Which would mean that a lack of humility would cause one to be closed off. To be humble will allow a person to accept the openness to be correct. The openness to be wrong. The openness to positivity. The openness to negativity. The openness to success. The openness to failure. The openness to strength. The openness to weakness. The openness to security. and The openness to vulnerability.

Anger, Greed, and Ignorance are the elements that contribute to a lack of sensitivity and humility. With a lack of sensitivity and humility, gratitude cannot exist. When one is not grateful. One fails to see the breathtakingly beautiful inspirations in and around us. From that logical perspective it becomes much easier to focus on the correct plans and paths of action. 

It is easy to curse negative circumstances as if they were blockades and limitations. But what if they were to become channels instead? Channels that provide energy to move through obstacles and not around them, or worse yet avoiding them all together. Which is often the case for most people. 

Gratitude is such a powerful condition. Because without gratitude, change is not possible. How can one move on and improve in truly meaningful ways. If one cannot first show gratitude and sincere appreciation for the good and positive things in themselves and in life. Which would not even be possible to begin with if we cannot first accept and understand the bad and negative things in ourselves and in life as well. Only by accepting and understanding the bad and negative aspects of things, can we see the true essence of good and positive elements. From this condition change is possible, for there is now incentive to change. The desire for a higher quality of life.

Remember that just because you experience something. Does not mean that you understand and learned something meaningful. Experiencing something and knowing about it. Is not the same thing as understanding and learning from it. Even if it is something that you experience frequently and/or a long time. Whether these experiences are caused by you and/or others is not as relevant as deriving an understanding(s) and a lesson(s) from it. The unfortunate occurrences that happen to you and/or other people are not nearly as important and significant as turning the page and moving on, changing. 

Without sensitivity and humility, gratitude cannot exist. Without gratitude, change in truly meaningful ways could not be achieved for the benefit of oneself nor for the benefit of others.


It is now 7:17 am. Which means that in 4 hours and 10 minutes. I would have completed my 7 day and 12 hours water fast. The anticipation of a bite of food is tantalizingly exciting.

12:00pm
What can I say? 

My first bite of food was absolutely phenomenal. As one would expect, my appetite was not at all the same as it was before I started the fast. So I only finished a third of my meal. My senses have increased considerably since my last bite. The fragrance, the taste, the texture, the color, and yes, even the sound of each bite and each chew. Is that much more enjoyable, that much more pleasurable. 

What an interesting experience this all was. Not eating was not difficult. Confronting myself deprived of the familiar comfort of food was the truly difficult part. And yet, all in all, it really was not that bad.

I am at Your Service. (pg.25)

In my humble opinion, I highly recommend the addition of the track right below as a background score to further enhance your enjoyment.
Video may not appear on mobile devices.

"Chaconne" Bach
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bVRTtcWmXI

My name is Heavy Feather (HF), and I am at Your Service.

My Confidence is not only for Myself. My Confidence is for You, and for All to use. For All to share.

I fight not for Me. I fight not for You. I do not even fight for those I consider Dear. I fight for Truth, I fight for Service, I fight for Leadership, and I fight for Love. What have you ever known Hatred and Bitterness to accomplish?

You are used to experiencing a certain pattern. Won't you join me? We can tear your walls down together. Unveiling a world on the other side that you only dreamed about in your sleep.

Let us do this together. In return, all that I ask is that you try.

What certain people would consider Love. I would consider grotesque and vulgar. I deduce through observation and evidence presented over time. That most utilize other people and their partner as some means of antidepressant. Never truly catering towards the other and their growth. But primarily investing their efforts for their own benefit, and for their own personal ends. Cleverly disguised is their greed and lust for power, as affection enveloped in care and concern.

That my friends is not Love. That is simply a detestable abomination and an insult to Love's very name. A curse on Love's very Home, the Heart. To think, that these Charlatans dare sneer at my School of Confidence and Leadership. As if they themselves presently have what it takes to Teach and to Lead. To move those around them in a substantially positive direction. What School do they have to offer others? The School of Doubt and Closed Mindedness? How appalling.

Though I know that in them is the seed of change. They choose to remain ignorant in their pool of Bitterness and Hatred. Swimming about and criticizing all of those people, and all of those ideas that threaten what little joy and happiness they possess. Living in a world of deception and delusion of grandiose fantasies. Created by the virtual reality of that which is their imagination.

You all contain the Seed of Change and of Possibility. You need only nourish it with Love. Water it with Confidence. And shine it with Truth.




My name is Heavy Feather (HF). Contributor of the House of OSU. And I am at Your Service.

If I could not do something as simple as that which I do. Then what kind of Associate would I be?

My Confidence, is not only for myself indeed.

In the Moment are You? One Day at A Time is It? (pg.24)

I have derived the materials and the extrapolation of the following exposition. Based on my own past experiences dealing with these struggles myself. As well as my observations and deductions of other people, and their relationship with the following problems and issues.

I know that I can be quite fiery and intense when I am talking about these things. But please do not take it personally, please take it objectively. Please do not take the following in the wrong way. If I didn't care, I wouldn't waste my time. I wouldn't say anything at all and just let you be. As much as I would like to convey the following in a nicer manner. There are certain things that cannot be fluffed or sugar coated. Because attempting to do so would deviate from the Truth that I am trying to convey.

I am not saying that change is easy. That people can just pick up, go, and move on/past whatever/whomever it may be. I am saying that with hard work and dedication. Change is possible.

Consider the following very attentively, very carefully, and very seriously.




So you say that you are trying to be more in the moment, great. So you say that you are trying to live one day at a time, excellent. These things are fine if not encouraged. So long as you utilize them from a perspective of periodic rest, and as a means to achieve long term objective success and goals. Not as a means for escapism, and short term subjective fancies laced with wishful thinking.

Avoiding responsibility by proclaiming that you are trying to live more in the moment, and are trying to live one day at a time. Is one of the main traps that so many people find themselves in. What is worse. Is that most people are not only aware of their faulty logic, but refuse to move past it. And instead justify and rationalize it as an excuse to remain stuck in their old ways.




Why am I so against these nonsensical ways of thinking?

Because individual and collective success, will not and cannot solidify. If one does not devise and implement a long term plan(s). As in, being more in the moment and living one day at a time. By and large primarily serves a short term plan, function, and/or purpose. Deep down, you know these things to be true don't you? 

You have undoubtedly undergone and are undergoing numerous hardships, and have experienced many tragedies. I cannot even begin to imagine what that was and is like. However, what is more significant and important than these misfortunes. Is to know when to turn the page, and what you do, now. You must first turn the page to responsibility. Then turn the page to success. After which you can finally turn the page to freedom.

Therefore, being more in the moment and living life one day at a time is not only essential. But a requirement. If one is to maintain a sufficient amount of mental, physical, emotional strength, fortitude, and patience. To persevere on the path to success, enlightenment, and freedom. The discrepancy is that so many people use this insubstantial way of thinking and living as some kind of end all and be all.

Which means that they use rest, relaxation, and even busyness as an excuse for not doing what they know they could and should be. Severely prohibiting and limiting their progression and subsequent ascension into elevated ways of perception and living. Pain and Bitterness are Not Limitations. They are Channels. Channels of which you can focus, gather, and release positivity or negativity. It is your choice and your choice alone.




There is no such thing as standing still or neutrality. You are either growing or rotting. There is no in between, and there is no standing still. You are either headed towards more positivity, or more negativity. You are either attracting more positivity, or more negativity. And just as important if not more so. You are either attracted to more positivity, or more negativity. It is not enough, to simply not do bad or evil yourself. One must also concentrate greatly, and actively do good. Not play and/or be innocent, neither play or stay victim.

One of the main ways that playing and/or being innocent, as well as playing or staying victim manifests itself. Is through a lack of commitment and/or confidence with oneself and/or other people. Due to the fear of the possibility and prospect of experiencing pain. One avoids commitment and/or confidence with oneself and/or other people, in a clever attempt to avoid responsibility for ones own well being. In a further attempt to minimize and reduce the likelihood of pain to occur by taking the above measures of avoidance. One can possibly, avoid pain. In turn, avoidance by nature. Certainly, and inevitably minimizes and reduces the likely hood of joy and pleasure to occur as well.

Furthermore, when people of a similar mindset. Have their integrity and/or sincerity questioned. They often become offended. Where they then confuse and/or consciously dismiss a Logical Deduction Rooted in Patterns and Observations over Time, as a mere Assumption. They may say things like, "You Don't Know Me." "You Can't Judge Me." "Don't Judge Me." "How Dare You Judge Me." Only God Can Judge Me." "You Don't Know The Whole Story." "There Are Two Sides To Every Story." "You Haven't Gone Through What I've Gone Through." "When You Have Experienced What I Have, And Have Seen What I Have. Then You Can Talk." "That Is Just How I Am." "That Is Just My Personality." etc etc etc.

What does all of that even mean? Does that mean that that is it? Accept how things are and do nothing about it? Accept the negative and counter productive aspects of yourself and just live with it? Or do you take up responsibility and do something about it? People say the above statements and believe the above things as if they do not have any will power or responsibility. They just accept habits as if they cannot change them. If I said something like, "If you do not stop acting in this manner (insert whatever habit), then I will kill your whole family." Do you think your ways of thinking, your habits, and your personality is so unchangeable then? Obviously I would never do that, and obviously it is highly unlikely you will find yourself and/or your family in such an ultimatum. But it makes one think doesn't it? That change is possible. It's just that for whatever reason, you have not found an adequate enough reason to change yet.

You do not believe drug addiction is a habit? Is whatever habit you have as bad as a Methamphetamine addiction? Few things in the world come close to messing your neurology up as Meth. There are very real and very serious consequences to taking drugs, especially ones like Meth. Yet there are people who quit Meth cold turkey. Fueled by Will Power and Responsibility. 

There are ex child soldiers who had to resort to eating the rotting flesh of their fallen comrades in order to survive. Lest they starve to death and their families be executed for their failure. Yet these people lead happy and positive lives today. People can change. People have changed. People do change. People are changing. So can you.

People will Judge you, but you are not allowed to Judge them. Now why is that? Why would somebody who is so confident in their not being dishonest, weak, inconsistent, indirect, untruthful, impractical, unpragmatic etc. Become offended the moment someone tries to discuss and/or asks them questions in regards to these kinds of things? If they are Truly Confident that what they are saying and who they are being is Accurate, Honest and True. Discussion and questioning should not summon such negativity from them. If someone were to doubt and question Superman's ability to fly. I highly doubt that he would bat a lash. However, if someone were to say that he has a weakness to Kryptonite. I imagine he would get uncomfortable, upset, angry, and defensive. These people will try to sound Confident with their Anger. But Anger is just Counterfeit Confidence. That does not and will not stand the test of time. If you are so Confident, then why would you be so Angry? Anger is almost always a sign of Insecurity.

Most attempts at being there for them, which inevitably involves pointing out aspects about their personality and their thought processes. That could be improved upon and or changed all together. Usually results in them thinking that you are trying to start a fight and/or conflict. They feel entitled to their bitterness, their lack of trust, their anger, their unforgiveness, and their impatience. Because they refuse to move on from the past. And instead would rather play and/or be innocent, as well as play or stay victim. It is not enough, to simply not do bad or evil yourself. One must also concentrate greatly, and actively do good. Not play and/or be innocent, neither play or stay victim.




You may be thinking "I will consider doing these things that I know I could be and should be. But now is not the right time. First I need to gather my thoughts, sort out my feelings, and consider my options." I have no objection against that. After all  to make a sound logical decision the proper organization and optimization of these things are paramount to success. However there comes a point where you are no longer organizing and optimizing. But instead are just being complacent, cowardly, bitter, angry, stubborn, selfish, and/or lazy, aren't you? Understand that you will never be 100% ready, 100% healthy, 100% over it, nor have 100% of the information, resources and/or conditions you seek. To enhance your options, and create your plans in the rigid way that you wanted, want, and are more than likely going to. Thus ebbing, rather than flowing. 

Not making a decision can at times be just as bad if not worse than making a decision that you would not consider as "perfect." Perfect opportunities, perfect conditions, perfect options, and likewise, perfect choices, come few and far in between. Most of the time even with the most favorable of circumstances. Opportunities, conditions, options, and choices will coalesce in the form of better and/or best at most. Very seldom do you encounter perfect ones.




You have so many ideas and options floating around in Superposition in your head. If you do not want to continue spiraling downwards towards more negativity. You will eventually and inevitably have to make an imperfect decision(s), from an imperfect choice(s). Furthermore, you will have to be committed, confident, and have follow through. If you intend on these decisions to make and have any real long term positive impact.

This in no way encourages nor promotes impulsiveness and/or carelessness. It is of utmost importance that this distinction is drawn very clearly. For clarification. The primary thing to keep in mind with the above information. Is that there comes a point where the delusion of pride and faulty ways of thinking, can only take so much. Before the truth, and thus the solution reveals itself. To the point where no amount of innocence real or fake, nor playing or staying victim will suffice. In the maintenance of an insubstantial and ultimately selfish way of life.




To take things a step further. People often utilize and justify their desire to pursue perfection as an elaborate excuse to continue to be complacent, cowardly, bitter, angry, stubborn, selfish, and/or lazy. Furthermore, it is unfortunate to observe how all too often people suffering from these invisible prisons. Spit on the hands of those who offer their care and concern. You only want and/or need the select people you presently keep around you do you? In doing so, you have very effectively and precisely closed yourself off from that much more possibility and change. 

Certainly their are talents, skills, abilities, qualities, personalities, histories and perspectives that other people possess. That match if not exceed the current capacity of yourself and/or the ones you hold dear. Like a double edged sword. The pride that you defend and protect so vehemently with your anger, ignorance, and lack of trust. In turn, poisons you from within. Slowly yet surely corrupting what little peace and joy you possess. Inevitably poisoning those around you as well. Especially the ones you consider the closest.

There is a significant difference between Criticism and Dissatisfaction. A person who whines and complains with no substantial intention of actually doing anything positive to improve the situation, is criticizing. Whereas, someone who is dissatisfied. Deems the available circumstance(s) as unfavorable. Then devises and implements a plan to achieve a positive outcome. 

Given the above distinction. I am willing to bet that if you are a person who chooses to play or stay a victim. You more than likely fall into the category of being a person who blames, criticizes, and avoids real long term responsibilities more often than not. As opposed to a dissatisfied individual who moves beyond victim hood into leadership, and embraces responsibility in its variety of forms.




To take things yet another step further. If you lack the sufficient desire to break free from your old ways even for your own sake. Then at least do it for the sake of others. Do not let all of your untapped potential go to waste, you are much more powerful and confident than you think. 

Through Concentration and Effort, we achieve True Excellence. But Only through the earnest Service of One Another, can this state of Greatness Continue to Exist. And Only through the Continual Presence of This Sublime Condition can we Move Forward. Individually, and Together as a Whole. As Opposed to just Carrying On As Individuals Lost Amidst Chaos and Ill Will.




Finally. For most people who would justify and rationalize their lack of trust, as selectiveness. I propose that their lack of trust is primarily inspired by having a victim mentality (which is a major stumbling block in the release and relief of bitterness). Not to say that everybody can be trusted with the same things you would entrust with a select few and/or a select one. I am not saying that. I am merely pointing out the fact that you can learn to trust considerably more than you are currently used to. 

Keep in mind that positivity, possibility, and change are directly correlated with how open you are to the world around you. As in, the more closed off you are due to things like bitterness, lack of trust, anger, and unforgiveness. You will instantaneously and quite naturally be closed off from things like true happiness, true joy, true peace, true love, true compassion, and true understanding. Another thing to keep in mind is that people who tend to have a victim mentality, have a high propensity and proclivity to blame circumstances and other people. As if they were devoid of will power and responsibility. Which means that with deadly efficiency. They forfeit the vast majority of their control and ability to positively influence and change the world in and around them. Thus, chasing short term subjective fancies. As opposed to long term objective success and goals.




Please do not misunderstand. I organize these thoughts and write them down for you. Because I want to bring you up, not drag you down. You have undoubtedly undergone and are undergoing numerous hardships, and have experienced many tragedies. I cannot even begin to imagine what that was and is like. However, what is more significant and important than these misfortunes. Is to know when to turn the page, and what you do, now. You must first turn the page to responsibility. Then turn the page to success. After which you can finally turn the page to freedom.

The Mall and the Tale of the Candied Cloud Machine (pg.23)

In my humble opinion, I highly recommend the addition of the track right below as a background score to further enhance your enjoyment.
Video may not appear on mobile devices.

"I Got Love instrumental" Nate Dogg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1BglzqHhmQ

One Sunny Day I was in the Mall surrounded by the various Shops and Boutiques. The air was thick with the multitude of merchants peddling their products. As well as those that sought to purchase these commodities. As I was strolling across the court of food. I noticed that at the corner of my eye was a machine coated in a blanket of white color. Never will I forget that moment. Though I stood there for a full 90 seconds witnessing this mysterious wonder. I could not believe the configuration of letters I saw so gracefully written on the white machine. "Fresh Cotton Candy Factory."





"Impossible!" I thought. This must be some kind of trick. I took a quick glance around for any Jesters awaiting my humiliation. Should I try and extract a Candied Cloud from the rectangular box that stood before me. Then I thought to myself, "No, this can't be a trick. There is no way that on a Sunny Day like this, someone would employ such a harsh rouse. Getting someone's hopes up in regards to acquiring a candied cloud is just too cruel to be used as some joke."

Confident that the machine was indeed authentic, I trained my gaze on the cash receptacle. There was a marking that indicated the requisite amount was $2.00. I thought to myself, "Two dollars? Not a problem. For a fluffy cloud of silken sugar? Not a problem at all." I proceeded to gather the required currency from my left trouser pocket, to activate the machines primary function. The production of a nimbus of sweet delight. Money in hand, I carefully deposited the two green pieces of paper. And eagerly awaited for the magic to ensue.





A melodic tune began to play. So joyous was this tune that it entranced every molecule in my body, and captivated my very imagination. Conjuring up images of a world of care free ecstasy. A metallic door opened itself, revealing where the strands of heavenly threads would be produced. A carousel of white sticks gracefully deployed one of its ivory spires into a metallic arm. The arm as if possessed, proceeded to lower the white spire into the now spinning cauldron of sweetness. Bit by bit the confectionery morsel grew larger and larger as the pink hurricane enveloped the stick with its pink gossamer threads.

A minute passes and the candied cloud was fully formed, ready for my consumption. The arm lifted the now pink covered ivory, closing the metallic hatches beneath it. The possessed arm gently drops the finished product on the closed metal doors. Where it then retreated to enter yet another slumber. Awaiting for the day should it be summoned again.





I lifted the crystal window of where behind it this entire process took place. I eagerly reached and claimed my prize. I gingerly removed a piece and proceeded to eat this most delicate sweet. I could feel as the lovely kiss of the impossibly soft edible comforted my aching lips. The texture was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. It was as if the product was both solid and gaseous. For each time I took a bite, the molecules of elegant sugar seemingly evaporated into thin air. The taste was unforgettable. Each gossamer strand ever so gently danced in my mouth like a ballet of most immaculate flavor. Soon the tasty delicacy was finished. I then threw away the now bare ivory spire, bidded the enchanted automaton farewell, and parted ways with the mysterious candied cloud machine.

Even the Massive Clouds Cry for You (pg.22)

In my humble opinion, I highly recommend the addition of the track right below as a background score to further enhance your enjoyment.
Video may not appear on mobile devices.

"Nocturne Op.9 No.2" Chopin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChJVhc285NU

Once Upon a Time a Long Time Ago, in a Land that Time Forgot. There was a woman by the name of Aphrodite. Aphrodite was unique in that she was not any regular woman, for she was a goddess. The goddess of love, lust, and beauty. Men pursuing these three things chased her day and night with their prayers and wishes of desperation. For eons she was content with her melancholy position in the cosmos.  





Until one day, she realized that she had grown tired of her daily routine. She noticed a feeling in her chest. Upon closer examination she discovered that their had been a hole in her heart. Unknowing to her just how lonely she had really become over time. Weary of the countless men fueled to madness with their selfish love, insatiable lust, and desire for physical beauty. While all the while she was longing for true love, free of infatuation and superficial obsessions.

She set out on her journey to find that which her heart desired most. She searched the highest mountains, the deepest oceans, the hottest deserts, and the coldest tundras. To her dismay she could not find love. She tried to make sense of it all, she tried to understand. Yet she couldn't. For she could not yet even understand herself. She was subject to the same patterns for millions of years. That she did not know who she really was.





One day as she was journeying through a valley that was littered with boulders both big and small. She stumbled upon a message that was etched in one of the many boulders. The message that was written was:

"You desire so much to move on, yet you choose not to. Clinging desperately to the familiarity of the sorrow of your past. Will you listen for a moment with a big heart, and an open mind? To these words that you yourself originally created, so long ago?

When is the last time you let your heart bleed? So that you can feel the extent of your sorrow, and the depth of your joy? When is the last time you chose to ignore practicality? And instead, let yourself feel the way your heart felt, rather than think what your brain thought?

Perhaps then and only then you can understand that emotions are two ended. One cannot feel joy without the same capacity to feel sorrow. One cannot feel love without the same capacity to feel hate.

Should your pain be any less wondrous as your pleasure? With two hands you try desperately to build your dream in a desert made from your hope.

If you would see past your wall of grief. You would be in awe at the boundless beauty of the world of which you walk upon. The breathless sweetness of the life that you live.

A Queen you are. Though you do not yet know it. Because you view the world through eyes blurry with tears of pain and misery.

What lovely colors you paint the world. As you moisten dry deserts with your soothing ocean. And cause flowers to bloom in Winter with your fingers of gentle warmth.

Whenever you are sad. Even the massive clouds cry for you. Whenever you are happy. Even the sun smiles with its ancient grin."

After reading this, she